Forget Brexit: I’m declaring independence from the rest of the UK. I’ll always have a deep and special connection with the land where I was born and grew up. Nevertheless, I’m taking back control, just as soon as I can figure out what that means.
I also need to choose a name for the divorce process. “Texit” sounds like a fajita laced with pesticide. “Hexit” is better, with something of the evil eye about it. Then there’s just the simple formality of the exit negotiations — if I can find someone in the British government with enough authority to negotiate.
To be clear, this isn’t because of petulance about the election, which did at least give us an amusing twist at the end. Well, it is — but not the result so much as the campaign, and what that campaign revealed. Both Labour and the Conservatives have traditions that I find admirable, but seemed to have concluded that none of those admirable traditions would win votes. The spin-doctors had decided that they could either appeal to me, or the typical British voter, but not both.
But as a wise man once sang, it seems like I’m not alone in being alone. Many people feel like strangers in their own country. Many Scots would rather not be British citizens; there are secessionists in California; and of course, the now-familiar threats of American liberals that they will move to Canada. (In a poetic display of trolling, Emmanuel Macron responded to Donald Trump’s rejection of the Paris agreement by inviting Americans to come to France to work on climate change.)
Such woes are felt across the political spectrum. Many Leave voters felt that Britain was being dragged away from them by a strange coalition of Brussels bureaucrats, the Westminster establishment and a gang of Lithuanian fruit-pickers. Any referendum result that would have pleased me would have left them feeling more alienated than ever. No result could have made both sides happy.
Still, that’s democracy for you: everyone has a vote, and if most people don’t see things your way, you just have to take it on the chin. Or do you? That’s not how things work in other parts of life. If you don’t like the coffee at Starbucks, go elsewhere or brew a cup at home. If your boyfriend is a slob, dump him and find someone better.
So if you don’t like the turn your country has taken, why not join another country — or even start up your own? I live in Oxford, surrounded by people who ride bicycles, marry foreigners and voted Remain. I don’t agree with my neighbours about everything but we do seem to be on the same wavelength. An Ivory Tower city state? Or maybe we could carve out a larger independent nation: London, Oxford, Cambridge, Brighton. Maybe Bristol, too. I love Bristol. And since the rest of the UK never seemed to like London much, maybe it’s best all round if we separate.
Of course, I’m not very serious about this idea. But then Brexit was never a very serious idea either. It’s going to happen, nevertheless.
A more flexible breakaway nation would float. Libertarian Patri Friedman — grandson of economist Milton and protégé of PayPal co-founder Peter Thiel — champions the idea of “seasteading” (UK) (US), setting up ocean-going colonies, powered by waves, wind and the fresh air of freedom. If you don’t like the way your particular floating city is going, unplug and find another one. It’s an intriguing alternative to traditional democracy. If you can’t live with the decisions of your fellow citizens, find some new fellow citizens.
Cory Doctorow’s new dystopian novel Walkaway (UK) (US) explores what happens when some people decide they’d rather fend for themselves than accept life in a default corporate world. It turns out that scavenger drones and 3D printers can get you a wonderful quality of life — until someone powerful doesn’t like what you’re doing and calls an air strike.
This is awkward. Being small makes you vulnerable. Ask Qatar. Oxford doesn’t have much of an air force; I don’t think we even have any tanks. I’m not sure what we’d do if Milton Keynes invaded.
Still, Iceland, Monaco and Singapore all seem to be surviving. Globalisation and peace does make it easier to be small. If the typical nation has a stiff border tariff and 10 infantry divisions, it pays to be one of the big boys. Yet as trade barriers fall, micro-nations become viable. Two decades ago the economists Alberto Alesina, Enrico Spolaore and Romain Wacziarg pointed out that there was a clear negative correlation between the average tariff rate and the number of independent countries in the world. Economic integration allows political disintegration.
There’s a cruel irony in all this. Small nations rely on being able to plug into a liberal global economy shielded from protectionists, pirates and week-long waits to clear customs. The very forces that make people like me worry for our own nations — nationalism, illiberalism and xenophobia — also make the world a more difficult place for breakaway states.
On reflection, perhaps it would be better to stay and try to sort things out. But the predicament is harder to swallow than a pesticide-laced fajita.
Written for and first published in the Financial Times on 9 June 2017.
My new book is “Fifty Things That Made The Modern Economy” – out now in the UK! If you want to get ahead of the curve you can pre-order in the US (slightly different title) or through your local bookshop.